What makes you think you have a say?

Welcome to modern world. Where anyone and everyone has a say on what you do. That includes the internet. 

We live in an era where all of us are connected and everything/everybody is being "receptive". It could mean anything, anywhere from your significant other finally "listening" to you, to the NSA/the internet looking for an inside scoop on your private conversations and life choices. 

The other day, I had facebook tell me that it was my friends birthday and I should help him have a good day. Who says stuff like that these days? Anyhow, will my wishes help him have a good day? Apparently not, considering we haven’t been in touch since school. I ignore it and a few hours later, I get further persuaded, where fb shows me what my other friend has written on this person's wall for his birthday. What's the deal here? I do not understand. I will chose who I want to wish and in the manner I choose to do it. Quite frankly, I am there for the memes that brighten my dull-day. 

Gone are the days when you were uber cool to have a facebook account. Thanks to 'Digital India', now, facebook is where anyone and everyone can be found, and has evolved into a dignified means of stalking people, digitally. How do I know that? I have had people ask me questions based on things ranging from what I post, what time I am online, where I am, what clothes I am seen wearing in my pictures and more importantly, WHO I am with. Ooohhh....hold on there, gossip monger! You are one step away from being blocked from my social life. Behave now. 

Talking about social-pressure, ahem, sorry, I meant social-media pressure, enter WhatsApp. In this age, if you are not a part of minimum 3 WhatsApp groups, you are deemed a psychopath. Also, you can no longer be dormant in groups, there are these people known as 'WhatsApp-police' who, despite you turning off your read-receipts, can monitor who in the group has viewed which message, at what hour and chose not to reply. You are also judged based on WHEN and how you wish someone for their birthday or anniversary in the group. Calling or dropping in do not matter as much. Based on your performance in the group, you and the messages you share will be evaluated. Your credibility also depends on that. There is a stipulated number of forwards and memes you can share and there needs to be regular intervals between "content-sharing". One additional meme/forward can make or break your value and determine the degree of your "free-time" you have. For god's sake, back-off!

Now, there is this other aspect too. Ever find yourself getting depressed over some fancy post that your friend shared about his/her trip to Europe? Wonder what you need to do to be there, like that? For all you know, your friend could be at the most picturesque destination in the world and still be pining to be with their family, when you are right there hanging with yours over a nice cup of coffee. They key is to feel happy and move on to other funny memes/videos. When you find yourself reaching for the phone to stalk your ex or compare your lives with that of your friend or colleagues, remember that no one trying to make you feel jealous. It's a cardinal sin you are committing on your own. 

So, to escape from the ever-growing facebook followers and their stalking, I embraced Instagram. I love that no-fuss platform. Pictures, captions and some harmless hashtags. What harm could it possible do? Turns out, quite a lot. I'll explain how. Just yesterday I was talking to my friend about buying new headphones and we were innocently discussing the  economical/reliable brands out there and what we had heard about them. We gave up after a while, inconclusively. I decided to check my phone to see what had changed in the world in the last half-hour, and there it was! An ad for the new Bose headphones on my Instagram feed. I was just shocked. My phone, that was in my bag next to me was listening to us THE-WHOLE-TIME. [Turning the microphone off doesn't work. I've tried.]

What’s worse? It was "Up-selling" to me. I wanted regular headphones and it was showing me the Noise-Cancelling" ones. The ads instantly stopped appearing after I eventually bought the headphones. How did my phone know? What the hell is happening? I search for one thing online and I get bombarded with one thousand suggestions related to that. I turn on the privacy settings and then there are ad's on random webpages I visit. Where does this stop? Think about this, how many times has Alexa/Google Home/Siri ever spoken up suddenly between your conversations, uncalled for, even when it is turned off? That is downright creepy and a major intrusion of our privacy. Try asking your voice assistant "Are you listening to me?" See if you get a straight answer. 

Its either people or technology, constantly fighting for your "MIND-SPACE" and having a say on what you say, do, or buy. Is that healthy? You might ask me, why buy voice assistants or why have an online-presence. That is my personal choice. I share things that make me happy. I am a marketer by profession. I seek consent before I market my content and offer an option to "unsubscribe". Where do I find that for social-media? I want to see what I am there to see, and what I share to be perceived for what it really is. Nothing more. Where is the filter for that? 

Why still be on social media? Why not sell your "Smart" phone and go back to the Nokia 1100's? (do they even make them anymore?) Well, let’s marinate on that for a bit and think,

How many of us have smiled in the middle of a rough day by just looking at a random video of a bunch of puppies rolling on top of each other?

Cried when you saw soldiers come back home to their families? 

Looked at the picture of the father-and daughter who were traced and tracked down on Twitter to be given that one last picture of them in front of Cathedral Notre-Dame in Paris just before it burned? 

Checked on our loved ones immediately after knowing about a disaster? 

Prayed hard for people suffering half the way across the world? 

Helped someone by sharing meaningful time-sensitive information? 
Had your creative work become viral in a matter of minutes?

Become aware of the effects of Climate Change around the world? 

Had the convenience of knowing what is happening, when it’s happening? 

We can agree that the boons are endless. 

When you want your mind-space to yourself, escape to a place where you have poor reception. Wake up to birds chipping, instead of online pings. Breathe! 

Let's use technology the way it was mean to be used and focus on what matters. Start being more empathetic and open-minded towards people you love and people around the world. And for those who still continue to judge, think of them as people you believe are too stupid to share the same airspace as you. Now go spread the word on the web!

Does this make sense?

My youngest cousins oh-so-tender feet

For those of you who have been here earlier, welcome back. Yes, my blog has a different layout now and yes, I have an image of Buddha on. Does this mean I am becoming more spiritual? Or that I am going to preach about meditation? No. I can’t even concentrate for 2 minutes if I sat down with my eyes closed. In fact, that makes my usual train of thoughts run even faster. Does this mean I need some peace/ constant in life, considering how life has been as unpredictable as the weather? Yes. Someone once told me that staring into Buddhas’ face gives you an immense sense of relief and peace inside you. Still staring…….

What brought about the sudden urge to write a blog after half a decade? A candle. That’s right. I walked into Bath & Body Works the other day and I have a habit of shamelessly whiffing all scented candles, enjoying different fragrances and regretting smelling some. So, I picked up this candle that was a combination of Sandalwood and Vetiver (Name of an earthy root) and one whiff of it instantly sent me back home. I was in the middle of the store in the U.S and all of a sudden I started missing going back home to this fragrance each day and every memory associated with it. That's when I started wondering about the deep correlation between our senses and memories. I know you must be going all "Duh!", but it's amazing how a simple smell, taste, sight, or sound can create an overpowering impact on us and our lives, in a jiffy. This line of thought got me reminiscing about the common sensations that lead to fond memories. My top 5 would have to be,

The smell of rain a.k.a Petrichor. When the first few drops of rain hit dry land and the air gets filled with this earthy fragrance, it instantly takes me back to the ever-unforeseen Chennai rains in summers and Kerala during monsoon. I constantly find myself wanting to store this scent in a bottle. (Multani Mitti smells something close to this)

Taste of filter coffee. Oh. My. God. This is a feeling that has a string of memories right from my childhood where I woke up to mom’s classic filter coffee aroma to having “first-class” degree “kaapi” with “de-caution” (Read: decoction) in Kumbakonam, Thanjavur, which happens to be my mom's birthplace. Like they say, you can take a Tamilian out of TN but not the NEED for freshly brewed filter coffee out of them.

The sight of the sea. There is a feeling of infinitude that pacifies you when you look at the thrashing waves relentlessly hitting the shore. Immediate flashback to Elliots beach in Chennai. The endless hours spent staring at the horizon, long walks on the sand and the taste of unlimited “molaga bajji’s” (Fried Chilli Snack) that I hogged on sitting there.

The sound of Indian Rail Horn. A sense of pride, with being the 2^nd largest rail network in the world and all that. But then, what that sound takes me back to is the many many long train-journeys to Delhi and Kerala while immersed in amazing books and interesting conversations with random strangers who become friends by the time the journey ends.

The Touch of a baby’s feet. Oh my! According to me, this is the most satisfying feeling, that makes me realize how pure and tender we are when we come into this world and the path that those teeny tiny feet will take once all grown up.

Well, following my train of thought can lead anywhere and nowhere. So, I am stopping now. However, I ask you all to please take a minute and rejoice these little moments or feelings and stash them in your memory bank because these could be the reason for you to smile between your busy days and may compel you to make things happen just so you could reminisce them later.

The small clear voices

I know it has been really long since I came here. More than an year and I have not written a word in here. It is because there has been a lot that has been going on. Past year, its been quite a ride. I have been here and there. I don't know what kept me going when I look back and find no one here. More than hope, it was a whim. It was a whim that things were going to be alright. A whim that I was going to make them alright and that this, too will pass. I have been holding it all together when I had loads of excuses to just let go and not care. But I had to let go and still care, thanks to my silly heart which refuses to listen to what my brain has to say. It was like it was meant to be that way all along. It felt like that's all I have ever worked for. Put my heart into it for. 

Dejection, disappointment and a sense of hopelessness. 

 Wanting to sound like a lot less crestfallen, I realized something very recently that, like the squirrel in Ice Age that holds on to its nut, there might be a lot of things that is familiar and comfortable to us with a sentiment or feeling that we attach to it, that makes it ours. Which is precisely the reason we find it hard to just let go. It might be because it is special, a reason to hold on, a inspiration, a tiny ray of hope or why you, for want of a better word, exist. May be that is what is helping you holding it all together. The question is, is it worth letting go after holding on for so long? Sometimes, it just is, because letting go might be hard, but holding on is even harder.  

I learnt it the hard way that just as much as I dislike it, endings are inevitable. Something you cant escape from or fool your self by keeping your hopes up. What do you call that? An universal truth, if I may. Everything, whether we want it or not has to and will end. Last day of vacation, last drop of rain during summer, final chapter of a good book, final scene of a good movie, parting ways with a good friend. However, endings are inevitable. You go back to work, sun shines on, you close the book, you leave the theater, you say good bye. From everything that is familiar and comfortable. From everything that is ours, to turn into something that was ours. We move on.

I have always wondered why some movies do not have a "happily ever after" endings. Now, I know why. Its meant to just cushion the blow. Like inserting a needle into a anesthetized body. Its obvious it will hurt. It does. At times, in a way that it is unbearable and difficult to recover from. But just because we are leaving and it hurts or leaves a scar, there are some people in life, who are so much a part of our lives and us, that they'd be with us no matter what. Who would'n leave us even if we want them to. They are our blind faith. Our solid ground. Our way home. Our ray of hope. Our guiding north star and like a really favorite person of mine once said, 

"They are the small clear voices that will be in our hearts with us, guiding us on. Always."   

Nip it in the bud

It was a new day, in his case, a new beginning

He was going to stride into a new world

He was energized as it was the first ever time he was stepping out

He was going to breathe unblemished air,

Knowing, he was about to smell independence for the first time

He knew his life was going to change

He knew he was going to make his parents proud

He carefully chose his best shirt and shorts for the occasion

He wanted to look good on his first day

He flattened his frizzed hair and combed them down neatly

He thought about all those things he would be away from and managed a smile, shortly followed by a frown

He believed that like his all other friends, he will also get used to it with time

His was glad his father was going to accompany him, today

He put on his only pair of slippers and set out on a path he was awaiting to travel on for long

Starting today, he was going to be someone

All the time on his way, he could not help but look for that proud look on his fathers’ face

Although he was amazed why he could not spot it, he was sure he was being blinded by joy

They reached and while his father got talking to a man there, he checked the new place out

With his heart pounding, he went near and touched a note book, felt it and smelt its pages

Withholding wonder in his eyes, he viewed the smooth edges of a crayon, felt the curves of a scale,

Meanwhile, the man who was talking to his father came next to him and asked him to get a pencil

Understanding that it was time for him to start, he rushed to fetch it

He found a white pencil with flowers on it and ran his hands over its long body imagining how it would feel to use it

“Quick! Hand it over, boy. The customer is waiting “, brought him back to his senses and he longingly handed it over to a boy of nearly his age, in neat white school uniform who walked away with his father.

It had begun. The tender hands had seen its fate.

Indeed, his life had changed from that moment on wards. 

Small hands can handle a pen better. Lend your support to abolish child labor.
You know, he might be the next president.

(Check it out- http://in.reset.to/knowledge/child-labour?gclid=CKPiwo6mjKsCFcEc6wodAVxQww)

Butterfly fly away

5 was really becoming significant in Dr.Shah’s life. 5 years after his retirement, he had moved in with his son, Atreya, 5 months ago and 5 days had gone by since Atrey had spoken even a word to him. He had now started missing even the well recognized lines that Atrey used to utter just for the sake of conversation, in the little time he could spare for his dad.  He willingly believed that work kept his son busy. Though Atrey’s wife shared an affable relationship him, his only solace was in his 8 year old grandson, Ekanth. He meant the world to him. Ekanth was his only companion who made him feel at home and part of the family. Both understood each other and were inseparable except for the time Ek went to school. Ek and Shah dada were like buddies. Best ones at that.

Shah dada was reminding Ek that his dads birthday was after 5 days and both of them should plan and do something special for him. Come Friday, Dr. Shah was hoping he could bond with his son after long by celebrating his birthday in the way Atrey best liked it. Dr. Shah went about the preparations and helped Ek make a card for his dad too. He could hardly wait.

On Thursday, around midnight, Shah dada and Ek sneaked towards Atrey’s room to surprise him with a cake that Dr. Shah had bought from Atrey’s favourite bakery. He himself preapred kheer and halwa that he knew his son loved. As they drew closer, Dr. Shah could hear noises that he knew could not be coming from anywhere else. Fury was in the air. While he was contemplating on whether he should go ahead and knock the door or just leave, Atrey yelled saying, “How the hell can I ask him to move out?”
Dr. Shah became numb hearing what he heard for the next few minutes. Dr. Shah pulled back Ek sharply when he tried to advance towards the door. He decided the better of surprising his son and found his way back to his room having got surprised in turn. Ek did not understand what was going on and kept quiet seeing Shah dada’s excitement wear off from his face. Shah dada put Ek to sleep and lay awake the whole night.

Next morning Ek came running with tears to Atrey since he could not find Shah dada. Atrey and his wife rushed to Shah dadas empty room to find a cake with blown out candles on the dresser. Right next to it was a letter. Atrey opened the letter with trembling hands and it read,

My dear Atrey,
Many more happy returns of the day my child. I wish you all success in your life, hoping and praying that all your wishes come true. God Bless!Remember your birthday when you were severely ill? You and I made the halwa the cake and did the icing with the kheer and placed candles on it? Later in the evening, I threw you a surprise party at your favourite bakery that people still recollect? I wanted you to relive that moment for this one too. But last night I figured that I could give a bigger gift. What’s even more special than giving someone what they want on their birthday?
I know that as a single parent, I could not have given you everything. But I tried to be everything for you. A father, mother, brother and more importantly, a friend. While at that, I am sorry if I made you feel that you were loved any less. You were, are and always will be the center of my world.
I know that off late I have been ill and have given a lot of trouble to you and Sakshi. I understand that anyone in your situation would have wanted the same. Until last night, I failed to realize how troublesome and selfish I have been. Despite being a working couple, I want you both to know how wonderfully you took care of me.  Before leaving I wanted to tell you how much indebted I am to you, Sakshi and Ek. You people made me realize what it was like to be in a family, surrounded by people who love you. It really was a surreal feeling and I will cherish each moment of it. Believe me, I never intended to be of any trouble to you, because you were a very good child and so is Ek. He is just like you, my child. While being with Ek, I never realized when I myself became a child. I understand it will be tough to handle two at a time and it’s only fair if I bowed out. It’s all part of getting old. If not now, you will understand when you are older. 

Remember, yesterday when you asked, I tried to give it all with a smile, today or tomorrow when Ek asks, give your best with a smile even if you have to go an extra mile!

I will miss you and this home. Especially, I will miss my only buddy, Ek. Give him my love and tell him he will stay blessed. I want your happiness, always. I love you.
Yours,
Dad    

Next to the dresser hung a brand new Raymond’s Suit with a card that read:

“Happy Birthday, my dear child. I know you will look handsome in this”

PS: Do not forget to use my cufflinks in the drawer. They are lucky. J

Sakshi noticed tear drops on the letter that Atrey held and at that very instant, the couple understood their mistake. They searched everywhere they could think of and called up Dr. Shahs dearest friend to find that he had moved to an old age home. Atrey, Sakshi and Ek rushed there and found that he had gone out for a walk. By the time he got back, Atrey arranged a welcome back party in the same way Dr. Shah had wanted him to relive his childhood. Everyone in the home was geared up and Dr.Shah had another big surprise of the day. The kind he would never forget. 

When Dr.Shah asked them why they were there, Atrey told him that Ek missed having a companion and they had come to adopt a child.    

Just another tale

Life is sometimes cruel when it puts us in positions where you are helpless. It’s even more galling when you know you are the reason why things are the way they are and there is nothing at all you can do about them. There is no chance left to take.  

For some, quite inexplicably, love fades. For others, love is simply lost. But then of course, love can also be found. Even if just for the night, or for a lifetime. And there is another kind of love, the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It’s called unrequited love. Of that, she was an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. What about the rest? What about their stories? Of those who fall in love with someone and are alone. They are the victims of the one-sided affair. The ones who cannot do anything about their love for the other. They are the walking wounded. The handicapped, without the advantage of a great parking space. Yes, I am talking about one such individual.

She found almost everything ever written about love to be true.

Shakespeare said, “Journeys end in lovers meeting.” She believed it to be an extraordinary thought. Personally, she had never experienced anything remotely close to that, but she was more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose she thought about love rather than experience it. She was constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said, “Love is blind”. Now, that was something she knew to be true. 

When she least expected it, the prince charming walked into her life. His love, charisma and charm had a big hand in sweeping her off her feet. She fell for him. He turned her world upside down. She was willing to accept anything as long as she was with him. And she willingly loved him and they were together for 3 amazing years. Just when people believed that their story was close to the one being written in fairy tale romances, reality decided to show itself. Because of a mistake she did, he left her. Rather than understanding her love that forced her to do the mistake, he chose to not be with her. 
He changed.

Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. Now, how would you feel if the one person you trust the most, not only thinks them, but also uses them as a reason to not be with you? 

She was shattered. Reality slapped her on the face. She couldn’t accept it. She looked at it as a cliché for her experiences with great expectations. She lost track of time. Life seemed like a blur. What followed were the worst new years and the worst birthdays. Anniversaries brought in by tears and valium. Those became the darkest days of her life. All because she was cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love her back.  Oh god, just the sight of him gave her creeps. Heart pounding, throat thickening, absolutely can’t swallow. All the usual symptoms.

How they first met was some meet cute. Its how two characters meet in a movie. Say a man and a woman, both need something to sleep in. And they both go to the same men’s pyjama department. And the man says to the salesman: “I just need bottoms”. The woman says, “I just need a top”. They look at each other and that’s the “meet cute”.

Why is someone attracted to a person, whom they know isn’t good?

I happen to know the answer to this. You are hoping you are wrong. Every time he/she does something that tells you he/ she is no good, you ignore it. And every time he/she comes through and surprises you, he/she wins you over and you lose the argument with yourself that he/she is not for you. 

 It turned out that he wasn't in love with her like she thought. Though it was not the end of the world, she understood feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. How it could actually ache in places she didn't know she had inside her. And it didn’t matter how many new haircuts she got or gyms she joined, or how many glasses of hot chocolate she drank with her girlfriends, she still went to bed every night, going through every detail and wondering what she had done wrong or how she could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment she could think that she was that happy and he was a inseparable part of her life? And sometimes she even convinced herself that he’ll see the light and show up at her door.

And after all that, however long "all that” may be, you’ll go somewhere new. Meet new people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of life you have wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.  

   

The guy came back. He came because he had to see her. He missed her. She didn’t understand. She asked him about when she was right there. For 3 years.  She tried to remind him of how then, he thought they weren’t right for each other. How they were a square peg and a round hole.  He did not remember that and he told her that now, he just knew that he hated it when she was gone. He also admitted, saying he had never checked his e-mails or messages more. It was driving him crazy that he wasn’t hearing from her. He said he did not want to lose her.

This was too confusing for her. He said he had screwed up. He said he made a mistake. Said he was stupid and impulsive in handling a troubled phase. She asked him about all those things he told her then when he ended things and left her half way. He asked her to understand and accept him knowing how confused he was about the whole thing. She felt like a used car whose owner come back to pick her up from a reseller just because he missed having her. 

She lost it. She told him they indeed were very round peg and very round hole. Only that she overlooked it that last time. She realized she could never trust him again. She could not deal with this all over again and ever stop wondering if what he wants now could change in the future. He broke her heart and acted like somehow it was her fault. As if she had misunderstood and was too in love with him to be ever mad at him. Though the time had come for her to end the twisted toxic thing between them, she was miraculously never done being in love with him. She had a life to start living and he was not going to be in it. But, she never did get her closure.

"She will never really tell you how much she likes you, unless prodded and you might find it easier to talk to her over long, sappy text messages. You will be careful with your spellings and the number of smiley faces you put after the 'Goodnight'. 

 One day she will tell you how no one gets her and you will try to fake a smile.

But secretly you will rethink the whole thing.
Then one day you will leave her to her words and her punctuations.
You will think for a moment about what to write on that post-it that you leave behind and finally decide on leaving it empty.
This time the silence will be from your side.

 Years later, you will spot her in a coffee shop, typing away furiously.

You may gather enough words to say Hello and she will tell you how well she is doing.
Her earrings will clink as she will start to laugh but you, you will notice the emptiness in her eye sockets.
You will realize then; You knew all her secrets.

 Never date a writer.

Just leave her to her words and her commas."

(http://smallfathands.blogspot.com/2011/04/never-date-writer.html)