I know it has been really long since I came here. More than an year and I have not written a word in here. It is because there has been a lot that has been going on. Past year, its been quite a ride. I have been here and there. I don't know what kept me going when I look back and find no one here. More than hope, it was a whim. It was a whim that things were going to be alright. A whim that I was going to make them alright and that this, too will pass. I have been holding it all together when I had loads of excuses to just let go and not care. But I had to let go and still care, thanks to my silly heart which refuses to listen to what my brain has to say. It was like it was meant to be that way all along. It felt like that's all I have ever worked for. Put my heart into it for.
Dejection, disappointment and a sense of hopelessness.
Wanting to sound like a lot less crestfallen, I realized something very recently that, like the squirrel in Ice Age that holds on to its nut, there might be a lot of things that is familiar and comfortable to us with a sentiment or feeling that we attach to it, that makes it ours. Which is precisely the reason we find it hard to just let go. It might be because it is special, a reason to hold on, a inspiration, a tiny ray of hope or why you, for want of a better word, exist. May be that is what is helping you holding it all together. The question is, is it worth letting go after holding on for so long? Sometimes, it just is, because letting go might be hard, but holding on is even harder.
I learnt it the hard way that just as much as I dislike it, endings are inevitable. Something you cant escape from or fool your self by keeping your hopes up. What do you call that? An universal truth, if I may. Everything, whether we want it or not has to and will end. Last day of vacation, last drop of rain during summer, final chapter of a good book, final scene of a good movie, parting ways with a good friend. However, endings are inevitable. You go back to work, sun shines on, you close the book, you leave the theater, you say good bye. From everything that is familiar and comfortable. From everything that is ours, to turn into something that was ours. We move on.
I have always wondered why some movies do not have a "happily ever after" endings. Now, I know why. Its meant to just cushion the blow. Like inserting a needle into a anesthetized body. Its obvious it will hurt. It does. At times, in a way that it is unbearable and difficult to recover from. But just because we are leaving and it hurts or leaves a scar, there are some people in life, who are so much a part of our lives and us, that they'd be with us no matter what. Who would'n leave us even if we want them to. They are our blind faith. Our solid ground. Our way home. Our ray of hope. Our guiding north star and like a really favorite person of mine once said,
"They are the small clear voices that will be in our hearts with us, guiding us on. Always."
